Pissed Myself Laughing

WHEN I SAY I'M BROKE - I'M BROKE !
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.
'Good morning,' said the young man. 'If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.
''Go away!'' said the old lady. ''I'm broke and haven't got any money!'' and she proceeded to close the door.
Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open... ''Don't be too hasty!'' he said. ''Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.''
And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. Now if this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."
The old lady stepped back and said, "Well, let me get you a fork, 'cause they cut off my electricity this morning."

CAUSE OFFENCE IN ONE EASY LESSON - I just pass them on!

It has been announced that the police are going to be allowed to use water cannons on rioters. They are putting some Persil in to stop the coloureds running.

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Two Muslims have crashed a speedboat into the Thames barrier in London.
Police think it might be the start of Ram-a-dam.

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Following the riots in Tottenham, it's important to remind ourselves that not
all black people are stereotypical thieves and arsonists.
The vast majority are drug dealers and rapists.

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Ngogo Mwambi has to travel 5 miles every day for fresh water, 7 miles every day for food & 10 miles every day for medicine for him & his family. This is because the daft bastard and all his mates torched the Peckham Spar, Tottenham KFC and Hackney Medical Centre, and now he has to walk to Croydon for his breakfast.

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Riots in Wythenshawe last month caused over £1 million worth of Improvements.

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Muslims have gone on the Rampage in Bradford, killing anyone who's English;
Police fear the death toll could be as high as 5.

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I sat opposite an Indian lady on the train today, she shut her eyes and stopped breathing. I thought she was dead, until I saw the red spot on her forehead and realised she was just on standby.

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They've had to cancel the panto 'Jack & the Beanstalk' in Birmingham, Bristol, Oldham, Bradford, Burnley, Leicester, Luton and London.
Apparently the giant couldn't smell any Englishmen.

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Years ago it was suggested that, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away."
But since all the Doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works a treat!

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